Uh, yeah, sure. I can tell you a bit about myself. Although I'm not sure if I understand why. I guess I'll start at the beginning. My name is Kim Zambrano and I've been a paramedic for over eight years. I like it. I really do. I feel like I'm doing something, you know? I'm currently partnered up with Levine but I also work with Doc and Carlos. See, I used to be partnered with Alex...but Alex just recently died in an explosion. I still can't get that image out of my head, of her laying there, Carlos bent over her, Alex asking how she was doing. God, she'd been blown in half... and the aftermath was even worse, but I'll get to that a little bit later.
Working at Camelot has had its shares of ups and downs. Considering I work every day with my ex husband, things can get quite interesting. Me and Jimmy, we dated a few months before I got pregnant with Joey and we got married, I think more for my mother than for us. See, Jimmy has a few problems. He's gorgeous, those dimples attracting stares wherever he goes but he's not exactly faithful. Our marriage ended when I found him in bed with my sister Melanie. I don't know who I was maddest at. Then he goes and proposes to Brooke. He tells me he won’t marry her if there's still a chance for us but I knew how Jimmy worked. He ended up cheating on Brooke also, with me and a few others.
Jimmy loves his son; that I have to give him credit for. Recently, he sued me for full custody and won. I guess I understand why the judge made the decision but it didn't make it hurt any less. It wasn't like I was emotionally able to defend myself very well. The overdose of sleeping pills I took was a mistake. They didn't believe me but they gotta understand – Joey is the only thing holding me to this earth right now. Everything else has been taken away from me. Jimmy knows that. That's why he's letting me see Joey again.
What's been taken from me? My abilities to have a happy relationship. See, I still love Jimmy. If he isn't sleeping with someone, then he's gambling everything he has. Sometimes, I get weak and we sleep together but he's the father of our kid. He'll always be in my life.
Bobby understood this. Bobby was my partner for six years. He was beautiful. If I had a chance to go back and correct my mistakes, I would have changed things with Bobby. See, I loved him. He loved me more. I told him I wanted to stay friends. We gave in to our mutual attraction once but I couldn't have a relationship with Bobby. I think I loved him too much.
When he got shot, even as Paulie held the gun to my head, I knew there was nothing I could do to save him. He made it to the hospital but we all knew it was too late. Maybe that had something to do with my taking the pills. I just didn't see much of a reason to continue on without him.
Carlos is a typical male. He's a jerk who has never really fit in at the station and we spend most of our time fighting but down deep, I think he's ok. He was a good sport when I needed a dress for this date I had. A while ago, some girl had accused him of touching her inappropriately. He ended up even losing his job over it. I was supposed to testify because I was the only one there and I didn't want to. See, the Carlos I knew up to that point was a pig. I wouldn't have put it past him and I didn't want to be the one to go in there before the committee and hang him. I spent a long time running that day over and over in my head, and thinking hard about Carlos. And I discovered that down deep, I knew he didn't do anything wrong. He's a good guy under all that testosterone. I guess whatever I said helped because we're working together again.
I'm close to my family. You gotta have people close to you when you do a job like this. Sometimes it gets hard. My mom has had me cry on her shoulder more than once. It's funny when I look back and examine my life. They say we all become our parents and even though I can see some of the similarities, I will not be my mother. That's why I divorced Jimmy. My dad gambled also and my mom followed him around this entire country so me and my sister would have a dad but I had to let Jimmy go.
Maybe someday I'll be happy. Each day gets better. I'm still not over Alex. She was a good friend. But each day, I have to go on if I ever want to get my son back. I'm good at what I do. I even scored 13th out of 1200 on the Lieutenant's exam but Doc says he's gonna take the promotion. He scored number one. He deserves it. Alex's death has affected him the most.
Remember how I was telling you that the aftermath of Alex's death was unbelievable? It really didn't end there. Lieu died, which was horrific. Noble died, who I'd been seeing for a short time. He was in this shootout in a hotel room and out of all the bullets that flew, he ended up not making it. It took it hard - especially when I found out in the papers the next day that he was a drug user. A drug user, and I had managed to have unprotected sex with the guy.
Do you want to know who was there with me through all of it? Believe it or not, Jimmy. And I found myself falling back in love with him. Then one morning, he proposed to me again. He'd changed. I knew he'd changed. I could tell by the way he looked at me - the way he took care of Joey - everything. The ring that he got me took my breath away.
That day we got called to one of those fires -- one of those really bad ones -- and Jimmy got lost in it. I got that old familiar feeling of panic - you know? That feeling that I was able to put out of my head whenever Jimmy and I weren't together - when I wasn't his girlfriend, or his wife. And then he said something in the hospital that really made me think. He said that he would have been alright with dying in that building when the floor went through. Well, I realized I wouldn't have been - and I realized that I needed more than that. That Joey needed more than that. So the same day that he left the 55 to take a new job in Brooklyn, I gave him back his ring. He was going to be starting a new life. It was time for me to start mine.
And then, I found out I was pregnant. So I began to rethink things.. think that maybe things might be okay between me and Jimmy. The day I pretty much decided I wanted to get back together with him, I came closer to dying than I did the day that Bobby died... and that's when I made a final decision.
I'm quitting. I can't do this job anymore. I'm getting too old. I have too many responsibilities. So I am going to become a firefighter's wife again, and I am going to take care of all of us.
Each morning, I wake up just praying to make it through another day. The days are getting easier. They really are. Everything, I think, is going to be okay.
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